I had unknowingly transitioned from being a sleep deprived new mom, to suffering from depression, to becoming suicidal. It was not a choice. It was not a temporary problem that I could rationalize. I couldn't rationalize anything because my brain wasn't functioning properly.
I was a trained suicide prevention and awareness educator, and even I missed the signs. I was terrified of myself, but even more scared that no one would believe or understand me. I thank God everyday for the moment my husband came home to find me sitting in the dark, rocking our new baby. He merely walked in the room and without even realizing what I was saying, I blurted out, "I'm scared I'm going to die."
I was fortunate because he didn't question my statement. He was in shock but his response saved my life. He had been my fiance when I lost my dad to suicide and he was there when a friend recommended acupuncture as a method of healing to help me with the panic attacks I began having shortly after losing my dad. He knew that acupuncture had saved me then and he believed it would help me through my depression.
I am blessed to have had a husband who knew how to help me because I was not in a position to help myself. I don't know if I would be here today if it had not been for his love and dedication in making sure I received the help I needed to actually heal from the illness that was consuming me.
Depression is an illness - one that is misunderstood by many and until you experience it first hand, you will never know the inescapable terror that comes from being afraid of yourself.
Blessed │ Wife │ Mom │ Friend │ Founder of GOOD │ Author │ Public Speaker │ Golf Fanatic
It took me years to find my voice and even longer to learn how to use it so that I’m creating GOOD rather than just fighting the bad. Now I use my voice to heal myself and hopefully others along the way.
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Sending love to all those who struggle with mental health and/or have lost a loved one to suicide.
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